Thoughts

Toy Soldiers (trigger warning)

I was listening to a great song the other day by Martika. “Toy Soldiers”.

I had loved the melody and the rhythm for years, but when I listened to the lyrics, I discovered the song was about addiction.

The lyrics evoke memories of back in my days of addiction years ago. Waking up, can’t function, start making phone calls to see who has the hookup. Get frustrated when nobody answers at 7am. Desperation.

Making excuses to meet a dealer at 8am on a cold windy winters day. Heading out to a predetermined gas station and feeling relief the moment you have your score in your hand.

You go inside, buy a drink to consume the newly prized possession (that way it has time to kick in on the drive home…plus if you’re pulled over, you don’t have anything illegal for the cops to find).

Wash. Rinse. Repeat the next day.

Toy Soldiers by Martika

It wasn’t my intention to mislead you

It never should have been this way,

What can I say?

It’s true I did extend the invitation,

I never knew how long you’d stay,

When you hear temptation call

It’s your heart that takes,

Takes the fall

Won’t you come out and play with me?

Step by step,

Heart to heart

Left, right, left

We all fall down

Like toy soldiers

Bit by bit torn apart,

We never win,

But the battle wages on

For toy soldiers


It’s getting hard to wake up in the morning,

My head is spinning constantly,

How can it be?

How could I be so blind to this addiction?

If I don’t stop

The next one’s gonna be me

Only emptiness remains,

It replaces all the pain.


Only emptiness remains.

It replaces all the pain.

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Thoughts

Coffee

This is my baby. It was given as a Christmas gift by my mom last year and I have loved it ever since.

She is my goto every morning before work (I work as Head of Research & Development for an amazing Tulsa Company) so I definitely need my espresso!

Recently, I ordered a ton of Israeli espresso and just the sight of it was almost enough to make one cry. It was beautiful!

They say that an addict makes the best coffee, and I have many friends that agree after tasting my coffee, but yet this morning, I goto make my espresso while running late for work and I find I have no vanilla creamer!

Needless to say…I was not a happy camper after working late into the night on a Mathematical & Theoretical Analysis paper for work!

 

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Thoughts

Resonance’s Take 2 Cafe

So once a week I usually try to get down to a small startup cafe run by Resonance Center for Women in downtown Tulsa. Resonance is where I did my treatment for my cutting and other addictions and they have been an amazing part of my life.

About a year ago, they started a new program where they run a restaurant (which has been WILDLY popular with the downtown business lunch crowd) where they give women a place to work after prison release. This is where the name “Take 2” comes from…basically a second chance at life.

Above the restaurant, they have a very nice loft that I had the pleasure of managing for awhile last summer. This is a sober living environment where the ladies that just got out of prison live when they are not working downstairs at the restaurant. It is very peaceful and nice!

The food at Resonance’s Take 2 Cafe is also absolutely amazing. I would highly recommend the Prime Rib au Jus sandwich – but you have to get there early since it’s a huge seller and they sell out of it very quickly!

All in all, this is an amazing place run by people with amazing hearts. They are changing lives and have a passion for helping women! For more information, check out http://take2tulsa.com

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Thoughts

WooHoo Girl!

So I did my treatment at Resonance Centre for Women in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Every time I was there, I would see these statues around they called “WooHoo Girls”. They were just a piece of stamped steel that were produced cheaply, but the value wasn’t in what they cost. The value was in what they symbolized.

For the 17 months I spent at Resonance Center for Women, I would always joke with my counsellor who became my best friend. I joked that “if I steal one of these, does it mean that I’m done and can leave?” to which she just replied “Challen, you know what you have to do!”. So I did it. I completed that program with flying colors.

On January 24th, 2017, I received my own personal WooHoo Girl, celebrating a year and a half of sobriety, and MANY hurdles overcome. I’m not the type who sheds tears, but on this night, in this photo, I was fighting back tears big time.

 

So I get home the other day and find that my mother has setup a “shrine” of sorts. She has backlit the WooHoo girl on a shelf on the wall. So she constantly has an inner light shining even in the darkest of nights.

Thank you Teresa and Resonance Center for Women! You saved my life!

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Thoughts, Writings

Getting out of my comfort zone…

So I will soon be baring my soul here and telling the world how I faced an immense uphill battle with addiction and potential prison time of over 10 years. To those who don’t know, I was crucified by the media here in Oklahoma and although all my charges have been dismissed and expunged, there is one thing I can never get away from, is my google search results.

I have forever shamed my name.

So I’m gradually working up the courage to run towards the thing I have been running away from all along. Google. This is hard for me to lay bare all the things I have kept hidden for years.

I completed the Tulsa County Drug Court program in record time (17 months) with ZERO sanctions or mistakes, and was named Top Honor Graduate for graduation at the end of January 2017. I was the Honor Grad speaker who had the privilege of giving the speech for graduation. Here it is below!

If anyone has contacts in the media that I can reach out to or who would be willing to help get this story out that people CAN change and that Addiction Treatment DOES work, please feel free to reach out to me on Twitter @challen_miller.

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