Thoughts

Toy Soldiers (trigger warning)

I was listening to a great song the other day by Martika. “Toy Soldiers”.

I had loved the melody and the rhythm for years, but when I listened to the lyrics, I discovered the song was about addiction.

The lyrics evoke memories of back in my days of addiction years ago. Waking up, can’t function, start making phone calls to see who has the hookup. Get frustrated when nobody answers at 7am. Desperation.

Making excuses to meet a dealer at 8am on a cold windy winters day. Heading out to a predetermined gas station and feeling relief the moment you have your score in your hand.

You go inside, buy a drink to consume the newly prized possession (that way it has time to kick in on the drive home…plus if you’re pulled over, you don’t have anything illegal for the cops to find).

Wash. Rinse. Repeat the next day.

Toy Soldiers by Martika

It wasn’t my intention to mislead you

It never should have been this way,

What can I say?

It’s true I did extend the invitation,

I never knew how long you’d stay,

When you hear temptation call

It’s your heart that takes,

Takes the fall

Won’t you come out and play with me?

Step by step,

Heart to heart

Left, right, left

We all fall down

Like toy soldiers

Bit by bit torn apart,

We never win,

But the battle wages on

For toy soldiers


It’s getting hard to wake up in the morning,

My head is spinning constantly,

How can it be?

How could I be so blind to this addiction?

If I don’t stop

The next one’s gonna be me

Only emptiness remains,

It replaces all the pain.


Only emptiness remains.

It replaces all the pain.

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