I’m here at Kathy and Kens. Every day, friends tell me how glad they are to see me. I told them I’m just visiting to get away from stress back home. I thought of moving here, since my skating life in Colorado is gone. Destroyed. But I hate Oklahoma weather.
The drive usually takes 10 hours from Denver. This time it took FOREVER. It seemed like every song on the radio reminded me of us. You’ve called many times asking only one thing: WHY?! I can’t give you answers for that right now. Only tears. I feel like the lowest on earth right now. Not only have I destroyed all my friends lives in Denver, but I’ve destroyed the life of my sweet, innocent love. You loved me unconditionally, but I don’t think we can ever be together again.
My tears still flow freely. My battery died three times on the way down here on the road. I do still have my gun in the back seat. That would be less painful. But if I do that, I kill you too. And that destroys your family, for more innocents. Then my family will be devastated also. So I have to live with this pain, or sever all contacts with everyone. I don’t know which will be easier I’ve been having constant chest pains the whole drive. Maybe one will take me out…