Thoughts, Writings

Dark Letters 1

Paulina,

I’m sure right now, the last thing you want is to hear from me, after all that has happened. I’m sure you think I’m the lowest creep there is. I had all this coming to me and you don’t deserve to have somebody like me around you, causing all this trouble for you and everyone else around you.

Right now, I’m in Oklahoma. Kathy and Ken didn’t want me alone in Denver. I left late Sunday night and drove to Burlington. I got there about 2 AM and couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer. I slept in my car on the side of the highway. It was a nightmarish sleep. Restless and pained. I don’t want to wake up. I want to die. Death would be less painful than the anguish I’m going through right now.

The next day I left at 4:30 AM and started. The first thing I noticed when I got on I-70 and looked in my mirror was that my beloved mountains were gone. This brings me an even greater sense of emptiness.

You keep calling. I’m reluctant to answer the phone because I’m scared to talk. I used to seem like a strong person, but I have no strength left. No desire to live or go on.
-Challen Miller

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