Thoughts, Writings

8/4/15 Journal

I spent all day in court today. Country woke me up at 530 and saw me off to court. We sat in holding for three hours and got to the courthouse at 830. Kendra was also going for veterans court so we got to sit with each other once over at the courthouse, we were in the holding cell together and she could lay on my lap and sleep. DO Montgomery, a hulk of a man who looks like Vin Diesel came to get us at 10 o’clock for court with “Challen Miller and Kendra, you’re with me!”. We were escorted in and when they got to me, I was advised that I was accepted into the program, but I had to do the first 30 days in inpatient rehab with a GPS ankle monitor for 60 days. I would return tomorrow, Wednesday, to plea in. I wasn’t too happy with this extra condition, considering the extra work I did on my end to help this all happened. But the S was making an example of me, as evidenced by my extensive TV coverage that happened every night before I would go to court. We got back to court holding and she rested on my chest until we came back home. Then my visit came *right* as dinner showed up, and since I haven’t even eaten breakfast or lunch, I was starving for dinner, but I missed out on that too.


After dinner, country and I were sitting at a table talking and somebody randomly asked if she was “okay” since she was a little teary-eyed from something we’re talking about earlier. She suddenly flew into a rage about how she “hates when people ask how she is” and I tried to explain to her of the 6 billion people in the world, and majority will ask if a stranger is okay when they are seen crying. That enraged her even more for some reason. I asked her to calm down and to return to the conversation at the table since she had shoved her chair back away from the table in fury and was just staring holes through me like she wanted to shanked me. I asked her again, using the exact same, calm voice and words. “Sarah, please return to our conversation.” She didn’t change the look in her eyes, so I, Challen Miller,  was starting to get mad and chose to step away from the situation for a while to cool off. The moment I stood up and started to leave, she did the wrist grabbing thing again. This time, I allowed myself to snap and lash out in anger. I twisted my wrist away violently, step towards her and pointed at her and said “don’t you EVER” grabbed my wrist in such a controlling manner again. EVER.” And stared rage right back at her. I wanted her to feel as I felt when she pulled a controlling move on me. Except, this time, I took charge BIG time and rapid-domination took over. She was instantly taken aback and curled into a very small, defensive ball, her hands to the side of her head covering her ears and grasping her hair, rocking back and forth and sobbing uncontrollably while trembling. I was utterly *astonished* to see that response to my actions in her perceiving me “to be leaving her”. I quickly de-escalated the situation and we had another deep heart to heart about her wearing “masks” and how I enjoy “Sarah” much better than “Country” (the silly put-on class clown act). We made up and went to bed.

-Challen Miller


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