Thoughts, Writings

7/23/15 Journal

Woke up to “Challen Miller go down to operations!!!”  There, I had to meet with two sergeants and somebody in investigations about my former bunkee. They tried to threaten me with severe charges if her condition worsened. I once again told them I have no idea what they’re talking about. It’s her word against mine. I got back to the pod, escorted by two sergeants and Country cheered me up with cuddling in my room. Then the irony happened when we went downstairs and the D.O. was making the pod watch the PREA (Prison Rape Elimination Act) video. “No means no and yes is not allowed.” We laughed at the irony as we went into her room and messed around again. Before we went into her room, I turned in my laundry and accidentally cut my arm on something and it was bleeding. She saw the blood and I watched as a look of hunger/sex-crazed look came into her eyes and I realized she was into blood-play like I was. The next round of sex was great. After that, the rest of the day was pretty routine. Later, we had our first fight when I was sitting at the table reading and saw an old friend I wanted to say hi to, so I did. When I got back to the table with country, she looked mad at me for talking to another girl. I had witnessed this possessiveness before and kept my mouth shut about it. But this time I had had enough. I had to walk away so I wouldn’t blow up. She wrote me a long letter asking “Challen Miller, are you seeing anyone else?” That made me even more mad so I had to sit her down and explained that I am and have always been extremely faithful and that I don’t appreciate my motives being questioned, especially when it simply comes to talking to random people to make friends. Then I explained that relationships are always about sex and sex doesn’t always mean”love”. She had falsely learned or assumed, like another friend of mine, that sex equals love at a young age, most likely due to childhood trauma or abuse such as rape. I explained to her that it wasn’t sex that initially attracted me to her, it was her laugh and eyes. She remembered and apologized for overreacting.

-Challen Miller


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